14. Relationships in Life

I want to tell you something.

I’ve been working on this project that was an assignment from my teacher.

This is why I didn’t post anything last week, because I was too busy for this.

There was this subject that my teacher taught us; it was about ‘relationships for life’, and I learned that most people fall out for love for the same reasons they fell in it. That their lover’s once endearing stubbornness has now become refusal to compromise and their one track mind is now immaturity and their bad habits that you once adored is now money down the drain. Their spontaneity becomes reckless and irresponsible and their feet up on your dash is no longer sexy, just another distraction in your busy life.

Nothing saddens and scares me like the thought that I can become ugly to someone who once thought all the stars were in my eyes.

After she introduced us to this theory, she asked us, “Is love a feeling? Or is it a choice?”

We were all a bunch of teenagers. Naturally we said it was a feeling. She said that if we clung to that belief, we’d never have a lasting relationship of any sort.

She made us interview a dozen adults who were or had been married and we asked them about their marriages and why it lasted or why it failed. At the end, I asked every single person if love was an emotion or a choice.

Everybody said that it was a choice.

It was a conscious commitment. It was something you choose to make work every day with a person who has chosen the same thing.

They all said that at one point in their marriage, the ‘feeling of love’ had vanished or faded and they weren’t happy. They said feelings are always changing and you can’t build something that will last on such a shaky foundation.

The married ones said that when things were bad, they chose to open the communication, chose to identify what broke and how to fix it, and chose to recreate something worth falling in love with.

The divorced ones said they chose to walk away.

Ever since that subject, since that project, I never looked at relationships the same way.

I understood why arranged marriages were successful. I discovered the difference in feelings and commitments.

I will never go for the person who makes my heart flutter or my head spin. I will choose the people who were committed to choosing me, dedicated to finding something to adore even on the ugliest day.

This isn’t only apply for men and women, boys and girls; it applies to the LGBTQ+ youths, too. This topic has been discussed in Indonesia. People said that LGBT is a bad thing, but no. It isn’t. Respect them because it’s their choice to be what they want and what they love. They’re humans too, just like us.Love applies for everyone; no matter if you’re black, white, Asian, Australian, American, Chinese, gay, lesbian, transgender, whatever you are.

I no longer fear the day someone who swore I was their universe can no longer see the stars in my eyes as long as they still choose to look until they find them again.

What about you? Let me know in the comments below, have you discovered something about relationships or love that others haven’t? Is that interesting, and make you learn something new? Let me know, I want to learn more about this life!

Byee! πŸ˜‰

I’m still single, though. But, it doesn’t really matter. I have a dozen of fictional boyfriends.




4 thoughts on “14. Relationships in Life

    1. yes, me too! i once had a crush on a boy (and of course he didnt love me back). when i’ve moved on, a few days later he showed his interest on me and started flirting with me. so he ‘s all about feelings because he literally hit all the famous girls in school 😦


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