86. Chatime: Anxiety

Most people don’t really understand what you’re going through.

Anxiety isn’t something that can be turned on or off or be consciously controlled. To help you get a better sense of what exactly this state of mind does to a person and please its totally normal to be anxious stop stigmatizing people for their anxiety phase because if you can’t help them deal with it, let them breath at least, here’s a short little list of some of the things that anxiety does to a person, which I am familiar with since I suffer from it myself.

1. It’s annoying when someone tell you to “stop worrying about it.” 

You telling me to stop worrying just makes me worry about it even more and when you say “maybe” let me tell you that maybe is the worst word; it triggers the worst anxiety.

2. Waking up in the middle of the night and not falling back asleep because your brain is a spinning wheel of anxiety.

You have so much to do tomorrow and now you’re going to be so tired (gosh i just sleep a lot now).

3. When no one’s texting you back, you think it’s definitely because they all hate you or they just don’t care.

It’s all because of that thing you said three years ago. Or they never liked you to begin with and they’re done pretending.

4. How easy for people to use the word “panic attack.”

No, a panic attack is not simply freaking out. It’s like when you’re crying and you literally cannot breathe and everything will not be OK and it never has been OK and you feel like you’re going to die (but trust me you won’t).

5. You get anxiety about the tiniest things.

Are your friends hanging out without you? Why didn’t you get invited? Simple things can make you feel so anxious.

6. You can’t stand being late or early.

You freak out about being early — Will it be weird? What will I do while I’m waiting? — but if you’re late, you freak out.

7. If you ever have to cancel plans, you’re afraid everyone will hate you.

I’m people-pleaser, I can’t just cancel something because they probably would hate me. Sometimes I just need a night off. Then, of course, you get anxious about it. Because you’re anxious about everything. 

8. When too many people are trying to communicate with you at once, your brain feels like it’s about to explode.

How do you respond to everyone at once?

9. Cry yourself to sleep at night.

Please, pay no attention to me, I barely even know what I cry about. I’m just so overwhelmed.

10. It takes forever for you to do anything because you’re frequently lost inside your own head. 

My head is basically a battlefield and I suffer from it, and sometimes I want it to end.

As someone who always feel anxious all the time, I feel uncomfortable with this. I can’t be myself because I’m afraid that people would just say to me, “Anxiety is bullshit.” No, it is not. It could drives you insane, it could make you do horrible things like self-harm or even suicide. I almost did it, but I didn’t have the strength to. I just want them all to end.

I am battling the voices inside my head and it’s like the worst thing you could ever imagine. For me, the voices inside my head are the voices of my loved ones: parents, close friends, and even crush. I just can’t ignore those voices.

My internet friend (who probably is reading this now) once said to me that everyone has their own blurryface, and by blurryface she meant ‘demons inside our heads’. Everyone has two choices: fight and ignore the blurryface, or let the blurryface rule their head and destroy your life.

My blurryface maybe isn’t as hard as yours, or vice versa. But if you ever need help to fight your blurryface, I’m here. We can all fight our blurryfaces together as one.

Feel free to talk to me, and share this with anyone you think in need of help.

Stay alive, for me. |-/


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